In absolute solitude I sigh. Everything feels so drab, lifeless and at other times daunting.
Silence travels in echoed whispers along the lonely corridors of my soul, threatening to take me to a place so deep, dark, and by far worse than isolation’s own self. I despise solitude. I loathe the way it makes me feel. I shiver in disgust when I feel it creeping up, threatening to bury me in a shallow grave of loneliness, desertedness, and depression. In solitude I find myself. I find my thoughts, my energy, my entire life force being dragged into an abyss, my emotions spiraling out of control infinitely.
Secluded, my thoughts go into overdrive. I think of the what-ifs, the what-has-beens, and the what-is-to-come. Though being alone is a relief at times, just being in solitude for long periods of time force my thoughts astray. You know, to that little place I’d never want to be on average. Thoughts of career objectives, expectations from those around me, and thoughts of the big scary future plague me. I am burdened with glorious purpose (Sorry I couldn’t exactly pass up the perfect opportunity to throw in a quote from Loki :)) Any-who, yes, as I was saying; These lonesome thoughts aren’t always welcome. I always find a way to snap back into the present, writing happens to help a lot.
One thing I’ve learned for sure, my perception and observation “skill” are heightened by solitude. Minute details that wouldn’t normally be bothersome become glaringly obvious. Seriously, everything turns into the proverbial “elephant in the room”. I just can’t not notice whatever it is. These elephants drive me to an even higher point of contemplation…..perhaps a more accurate word would be annoyance. Oh ok, say, I just noticed a dent in my door. Now i’m looking around consciously seeking out more evident/less evident flaws, the how did it get there?, when did it get there?, who put it there? and why have I never seen this before‘s up even as I try to not think too hard about them. That, my friend is the work of solitude.
At night, its the worst really. I get caught up in the rapids of my lonesome thoughts, and lord-y they’re nothing to be reckoned with. I mean its really not all bad– I did get this pretty nice free-write out of it.
I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that this moved from what started out as a short piece, into more of a free-ramble. (It happens, and when it does it tend to go with the flow). Now I must go. When I return I shall have a good short story for you all 🙂
Thanks for reading my ramble.