In the depth of despair there is solace. I never understood it until she showed it to me, never fully understood it until I felt it myself.

Love and despair,
To feel utterly and hopelessly in love with love,
Yet to be plagued by the feeling of being unloved.
To take too many steps forward only to take twice as many back.

I’ve been told of love in despair,
I’ve felt love in despair,
I’ve felt despair in love.
I feel love,
I feel despair,
I hate them both.

I never understood “it” until she taught me. Now I just want to unlearn “it”. Unlearn love….unlearn despair. I wish she’d never taught me how to feel “it”…. or” them”. I wish she’d never taught me how to understand the true meaning of love and despair. I wish I didn’t understand her.

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